A lot of that stress can be boiled down to communication - either lack of it or poor quality. When the answer to "Can you hear me now?" appears to be a negative we tend to counter with "Okay - how about if I yell?! Will that work better? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?" (Just once I'd like to see a Verizon commercial where the guy asks "Can you hear me now? Hello? Hello?") Sometimes couples can fall into a rut where they function more like room mates sharing the same living space instead of a union of two souls the way God intended us to be. I've been guilty of that lately. A recent "Can you hear me now?" session with my wife has given me clarity to my shortcomings.
Here's a suggestion for improving the communication in your relationship. Since the holidays are nearly by us, make this happen as soon as possible. Make a date night with your wife - and make that time sacred in your planner or on your blackberry. Make it as extravagant as you can or as simple as you have to. An hour and $10 at Starbucks can be the perfect getaway and it gives you an hour to talk. For a long time our date night was Thursday night. We left the kids at home and got a bit to eat, shopped for groceries, and then had a coffee at Starbucks. Fancy and romantic? Not a bit. But it did give us time to talk about issues with the kids and school, it let us vent to each other a little about work, and gave us time to just take a breath and keep connected.
Now - two quick words of warning. First, this is not intended to be a secret marriage improvement mission. Don't do this on your own. Share the vision with her - bring her in on the plan. If she doesn't know what's going on your chances of success are much less. Second, you might not see the intended benefits of "date night" right out of the box. Like anything else, practice makes things better. Time and consistency are the key to making this work.
Merry Christmas to you and I sincerely hope that in the coming year you can say that your marriage is awesome.
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