Armchair Husband - Final Thoughts - I Promise

As soon as I finished the last post I realized that I left out a very important piece to this jigsaw puzzle.  The piece I missed is the fact that, in and of ourselves, we will fail at anything we attempt to do.  

Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

This piece of the Bible from the Apostle Paul is simple yet heavy with truth.  Equally heavy with truth is the fact that without him who gives you strength, you're a loser every time.  

When it comes to the practice (and I do mean practice) of taking your marriage from a point where it's simply okay to the point where either you or your wife can brag about your spouse to your friends,  you simply cannot do it without God in your life.  If you try - you will fail. 

Okay - now that I've completely disillusioned you, let me give you the good news.  I've posted a graphic at the top right of the blog page that shows how God created humans in his own image and in three parts - spirit, soul, and body.  If you're reading this in an RSS feed click over to www.4BetterOr4Worse.blogspot.com to see the graphic.  To review quickly, when we became a Christian we exchanged our blackened, dead spirit for the Spirit of God.  This is a gift from God simply called grace and it means that the full strength of God (see Phil 4:13 above) resides in us.  

You know this, right?  So what?   Remember when I said that improvement in your relationship comes with consistency over time?  It's this consistent practice where most men get derailed.  It's like a new years resolution to lose that extra 20 pounds that never makes it past the first of February.  This is what happens if you don't tap in to the Spirit.  That thing that you and your spouse agreed to change for the better or your relationship becomes mundane, time consuming, the benefits aren't coming as quickly as our immediate gratification culture would like, and you just don't wanna anymore.  

Bill and Annabel Gillham run a ministry called Lifetime Guarantee (www.lifetime.org).  The two have written books and have become an integral part of the Association of Exchanged Life Ministries.  In Bill's book Lifetime Guarantee, Bill uses the analogy of mowing the lawn.  He doesn't want to mow the lawn.  He'd much rather be doing something else.  What he describes is the recognition of the Holy Spirit in his life and how he allows the Spirit to take over and strengthen him (see Phil 4:13 above) to stay on track.  He says that God mows the lawn and Bill becomes the method God uses to get it done.  

Let's go back to my Tae Bo workouts with Billy Blanks.  I've got some weight to lose.  I know that if I consistently stick with the program the chances are good that not only will I lose the weight but I'll also get some secondary benefits from it - like being more physically pleasing to the eye of my wife.   

If I go it alone and do this my own way - I'm all done with Tae Bo and I'm going to the bar for a beer and a football game.  I really don't want to work out because it's uncomfortable, time consuming, I'm not going to be skinny tomorrow, and I'm just not interested in doing that anymore.   

However, if I get out of the way and let the Holy Spirit strengthen me (see Phil 4:13 above), the Spirit will empower me to get down in the basement, the Spirit will lead me through the workout today and every day.  If I keep my sights set on putting myself aside and letting the Spirit live and work through me I'll have the strength (see Phil 4:13 above) to be consistent over time, get in better shape, lose the extra pounds, and see my wife give me the come hither look more often.

Guys - this is the path to success.  Whether it's your marriage, your master's degree, or cleaning the garage - you certainly can do anything through him who gives you strength.  The key to seeing the success is consistency over time.  This consistency over time comes from the everyday practice of getting out of the way and letting the Spirit of God live through your life.  

If you have any questions or you're uncertain how this works in your life, leave a comment.  Let's talk about it.

Armchair Husband - Revisited

I was humbled yesterday - in a rather large way.  It got me thinking about the last post and how, at times, I get a little carried away without considering that things I write about are easier talked about than actually carried out.  So, let me tell you what happened to me yesterday - 

Anyone who knows me knows that I carry around a few extra pounds.   Most of the extra weight is right out in front of me and it gets in the way.   So, over the holidays I made a commitment to do something about it - throw some passes, as it were.  I dug out my wife's TaeBo video tapes and me and Billy Blanks went at it for a while.  If my workout yesterday were compared to just one pass play on a football field the pass didn't make it half way to the closest receiver - who was standing ten yards away and he was wide open.

I watched the Introduction to TaeBo video tape while I sat on the sofa and thought to myself, "I did rougher stuff than that in high school.  This will be cake!"   I rewound the tape and started over again, this time standing in the middle of the floor with my dukes up just like ol'  Billy and proceeded to remind me that high school was 20-some years ago.

How does this apply to being an armchair husband?  Like my last post, I got all fired up, made the commitment to change, and actually made a move to change.  Yet, once I made that move to change I suddenly realized that making this change is not going to be easy.    What's more, that was just one workout. Change doesn't happen as the result of one instance of motivation turned to action.   

Change comes with consistency over time.  With the TaeBo work out, I've done one in a row -  nothing has changed.  What's more - I really have no desire to do that again.  It's uncomfortable, it hurts, and it's generally unpleasant.  But if I don't nothing will change.  

How many of us men know what that's like?  How many of us are caught between settling for an undesirable situation and knowing that to change it is going to be uncomfortable, time consuming, and it will likely be emotionally draining.  Most times, settling for the undesirable is the choice we opt for because it's the path of least resistance.  

My friends, I really don't want you to settle.  I want your marriage to be as awesome as it can be.  I want you to be really happy with your wife and family.  The reality for most of us is that to move from where we are now to really happy is going to take some effort and we'll have endure some discomfort.  I believe it will be so much worth the effort and discomfort in the end!

I'm here to encourage you, to bounce ideas around with, and to listen to your frustrations.  What's more, if you are really struggling with something and need some help you can click on the button to the right and sign up for the 4BetterOr4Worse men's group on yahoo.  There are some very solid men there who can help you work through some stuff.  

A note to wives - I normally don't write to the ladies but I know a lot of you read here.  When you see your husband making an effort to change and make things better - please be encouraging - even if encouragement means not saying nothing.  Try to get behind your man and help him with the issue of consistency over time.  Don't do or say anything that will make him believe that settling for what he has now is the better option.  

Thanks for stopping by.  I'm off to do my Tae Bo Workout.