Off On A Rant

 Forgive me.  I'm about to go on a rant ala Dennis Miller.  

Not long ago I found out that another marriage has bought the farm.  Once again, this is a couple that I hold as a good friend.  Tonight I find myself shaking my fist angrily at God and asking "How many more of my friends need to go through this?  This just isn't right!"

In any trial there is a prosecution and a defense.  In divorce proceedings there  is a prosecution and a defense on each side.  All four elements engage in a battle, each side using their prosecution and defense resources to impugn the other into submission or retreat until a judge declares - not a victory - but a cease fire.  

I'm so upset by this that I sat my analytical self down and attempted to make an outline, methodically laying out everything I wanted to say in this blog post.  In the end it all seemed like crap.  So please bear with me as I try to communicate to you what my heart feels.  

Guys, your home is the most important thing you have.  It's not just outlets, toilet valves, and shingles.  It's your home base of operations.  It's your fallout shelter from the blasts of the world.  It's the operations and logistics center for everyone in your home.  It's the war room where you solve problems and settle differences.  It's the oasis where you find peace and rest.  There are two very basic and very important aspects of your home that you have to understand clearly in order to prevent the retaining of legal counsel to impose a cease fire to the dysfunction.  

First, you have to understand that your home has a physical realm and a spiritual realm.  In the physical realm you close and lock all your doors and windows when you leave the house and when you go to sleep at night.  Why?  Obviously, to prevent those who would do you harm and steel your valuables from doing so.  It's common sense.  The same thing is true in the spiritual realm.  You need to take care to secure your home spiritually from those who would do you harm and take your valuables.  If you leave a door or a window unlocked or open it's an invitation for satan to come in and do harm to your relationship with your wife and your kids, rob you of your patience, your understanding, your leadership - leaving you with self doubt, anger, frustration, and all kinds of other bad stuff.  A guy can continually leave a spiritual window open and suddenly wake up in a crappy one bedroom apartment with the realization that everything he had has been taken from him.  You have to secure your home on the spiritual level as-well-as the physical level!

The second, and most important, aspect is that your relationship with God is directly connected with everything in your home - physically and spiritually.  How you humble yourself before God, acknowledge the Holy Spirit inside you, and choose to live under grace - OR NOT - will have a direct and immediate impact on your home and everyone in it.  

Please take some time today to be by yourself, in a quiet place, and make an honest evaluation of where you are with these two very important aspects of your home.  If you search your heart and you decide that you're on a pretty good track, then I'm happy for you - God bless you as you continue.  If you're struggling - if you know things aren't right - and you're not at all sure of how to bale out your boat before it goes under, please let me know.  There is help for you here.

Armchair Husband - Final Thoughts - I Promise

As soon as I finished the last post I realized that I left out a very important piece to this jigsaw puzzle.  The piece I missed is the fact that, in and of ourselves, we will fail at anything we attempt to do.  

Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

This piece of the Bible from the Apostle Paul is simple yet heavy with truth.  Equally heavy with truth is the fact that without him who gives you strength, you're a loser every time.  

When it comes to the practice (and I do mean practice) of taking your marriage from a point where it's simply okay to the point where either you or your wife can brag about your spouse to your friends,  you simply cannot do it without God in your life.  If you try - you will fail. 

Okay - now that I've completely disillusioned you, let me give you the good news.  I've posted a graphic at the top right of the blog page that shows how God created humans in his own image and in three parts - spirit, soul, and body.  If you're reading this in an RSS feed click over to www.4BetterOr4Worse.blogspot.com to see the graphic.  To review quickly, when we became a Christian we exchanged our blackened, dead spirit for the Spirit of God.  This is a gift from God simply called grace and it means that the full strength of God (see Phil 4:13 above) resides in us.  

You know this, right?  So what?   Remember when I said that improvement in your relationship comes with consistency over time?  It's this consistent practice where most men get derailed.  It's like a new years resolution to lose that extra 20 pounds that never makes it past the first of February.  This is what happens if you don't tap in to the Spirit.  That thing that you and your spouse agreed to change for the better or your relationship becomes mundane, time consuming, the benefits aren't coming as quickly as our immediate gratification culture would like, and you just don't wanna anymore.  

Bill and Annabel Gillham run a ministry called Lifetime Guarantee (www.lifetime.org).  The two have written books and have become an integral part of the Association of Exchanged Life Ministries.  In Bill's book Lifetime Guarantee, Bill uses the analogy of mowing the lawn.  He doesn't want to mow the lawn.  He'd much rather be doing something else.  What he describes is the recognition of the Holy Spirit in his life and how he allows the Spirit to take over and strengthen him (see Phil 4:13 above) to stay on track.  He says that God mows the lawn and Bill becomes the method God uses to get it done.  

Let's go back to my Tae Bo workouts with Billy Blanks.  I've got some weight to lose.  I know that if I consistently stick with the program the chances are good that not only will I lose the weight but I'll also get some secondary benefits from it - like being more physically pleasing to the eye of my wife.   

If I go it alone and do this my own way - I'm all done with Tae Bo and I'm going to the bar for a beer and a football game.  I really don't want to work out because it's uncomfortable, time consuming, I'm not going to be skinny tomorrow, and I'm just not interested in doing that anymore.   

However, if I get out of the way and let the Holy Spirit strengthen me (see Phil 4:13 above), the Spirit will empower me to get down in the basement, the Spirit will lead me through the workout today and every day.  If I keep my sights set on putting myself aside and letting the Spirit live and work through me I'll have the strength (see Phil 4:13 above) to be consistent over time, get in better shape, lose the extra pounds, and see my wife give me the come hither look more often.

Guys - this is the path to success.  Whether it's your marriage, your master's degree, or cleaning the garage - you certainly can do anything through him who gives you strength.  The key to seeing the success is consistency over time.  This consistency over time comes from the everyday practice of getting out of the way and letting the Spirit of God live through your life.  

If you have any questions or you're uncertain how this works in your life, leave a comment.  Let's talk about it.

Basic Training - Part Four: Victory!

Welcome to the fourth and final post dealing with the basics of Christianity and how God created us as human beings.  This information is the basis of the Christian faith and the foundation that a Christian marriage is based on.  These are concepts that are taken directly from the Bible.  The material and diagrams are produced by the Association of Exchanged Life Ministries (www.aelm.org).

There are diagrams to the right of the post that go along with the information.  If they seem small on your monitor feel free to right click on them and download. them to your computer.  This is NOT copyrighted material.  Each post will remain here for a week with the respective diagrams.  At the beginning of a new week, a new post will appear with the new diagrams.  The previous post will of course be beneath the new post, but the diagrams for the previous week will be gone.

Again, because this is a blog specifically focused on men - men will be specifically referred to.  Yet the information here applies equally to both men and women.

Part Four – Victorious Living.

I just want to take a moment and thank my wife, Jann for helping me put together and condense the exchanged life material into these four small posts.  She’s been a great help to me.

In the first post we talked about how God created us in three parts – body, soul, and spirit.  We looked at what happens when we’re dead to sin and, because He loved us so much, he offered us the gift of grace, which is the exchange of our dead, sinful spirit for his Holy Spirit.  In the second post we talked about how grace makes it so that we no longer have to be concerned with living our lives perfectly in order to achieve salvation.  We are free to choose NOT to sin because we are no longer slaves to sin.  The third post talks about our new identity in Jesus Christ and how it is Him who lives in and through us.   Yet, we still have to make the choice to follow him or to follow our own way. 

This week I want to close out this series by celebrating this victory over sin.  I’m going to do this by walking through some Bible verses that show how great this victory is.  Again, our victory is complete through Jesus Christ who died on the cross.  He took us with him spiritually on the cross, to hell, and back again through resurrection and has us spiritually seated with him in heaven.  It’s over.  It’s done.  You’re salvation is complete and there’s nothing you need to do but have a ball with it!

Let’s look at some things:

In Romans 8:36-39 the apostle Paul spells things out pretty clearly:

As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

How great is it to know that nothing can separate us from the God who loves us?!

In Romans again, Paul explains our freedom from slavery to sin:

Romans 6:16-18

Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?  But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted.  You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

When you live under grace the Holy Spirit inside you directly effects the three parts of your soul – you mind, will, and emotions. 

In Romans 15:18 Paul talks about how realizing this victory changes the way you think (your mind). 

I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me in leading the Gentiles to obey God by what I have said and done.

It also changes what you want to do (your will).

Romans 13:14

Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

Remember -  you are free from sin and have the ability to choose.

Victory under the grace system also brings peace (emotions).

Psalm 23:3

He restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Ephesians 3:20, 21 shows us the effect we can have on our corner of the world. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.

Phil 4:19 assures us that God is all we need for anything in our lives.

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

In the following verses the Bible confirms that God lives inside us and we have His power through the Holy Spirit.

I Corinthians 2:16

For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?"  But we have the mind of Christ.

Phil 4:13

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

This is the fabulous message of salvation that empowers us to be not only Christian men, but also husbands and fathers living under God’s grace.  Under the grace system we have the opportunity to do wonderful things in the relationships with our spouses and families.  The content of these four posts is the foundation of any information you read here. 

With out God’s gift of salvation through grace anything you would read here would be simply my opinion based on my efforts to be as good as I can be according to the old law of right and wrong.  Because of the Grace of God, I’m able to be used by him, for Him to speak to you through me, and I receive a blessing for it. 

This is not the gospel according to some guy.  This is God speaking to you through me.  If it ever becomes anything else it’s time to shut down this blog (go back and look at Romans 15:18).

Thanks for your time.

Basic Training - Part Three: Believer's Identity

Welcome to the third post dealing with the basics of Christianity and how God created us as human beings.  This information is the basis of the Christian faith and the foundation that a Christian marriage is based on.  These are concepts that are taken directly from the Bible.  The material and diagrams are produced by the Association of Exchanged Life Ministries (www.aelm.org).

There are diagrams to the right of the post that go along with the information.  If they seem small on your monitor feel free to right click on them and download. them to your computer.  This is NOT copyrighted material.  Each post will remain here for a week with the respective diagrams.  At the beginning of a new week, a new post will appear with the new diagrams.  The previous post will of course be beneath the new post, but the diagrams for the previous week will be gone.

Again, because this is a blog specifically focused on men - men will be specifically referred to.  Yet the information here applies equally to both men and women.

Part Three - Believer's Identity

First, we need to establish and recognize that we have a different identity as a Christian living under Grace.  Your new identity is in Jesus Christ.

Romans 6:3-5 says this:

"or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ jesus were baptized into his death?  We were there fore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.  If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection."

Figure 1 shows how our old sinful dead spirit was crucified with him, spiritually we went to hell with him, and spiritually we are raised up and sit in heaven with him now.

Here are some facts about a believer's identity in Jesus Christ (Taken from Romans 5:1-11):

• We have peace in our new identity.
• We are completely acceptable to God 
• We are dead to sin and alive to God.  We can choose NOT to sin.
• We died to our old "family tree" an Adam (sinful man).  We are now alive in Christ's family tree.
• Jesus Christ is all you need for any situation. (2 Peter 1:3) You can rest and have peace in this.  

A review of Figure 2 reminds us that there is a constant struggle between our inherently human sinful desires (dark circle with the F) and the Spirit.  This struggle exists because God gave us a choice to follow him or to handle things on our own.  We have to choose to listen to the Spirit and follow God.  

Check this out:

Romans 6: 12-14

"Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.  Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life, and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.  For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace."

We must constantly be aware of this struggle and consciously choose not to sin.  We have the ability to do this because we have the Spirit inside us and we live by Grace - not by law.  

Living by the Spirit means that we give God access to our lives to let him work in and through us.  Giving access means having a relationship with God.  In every day life this means pursuing a relationship with him much like you pursue a relationship with your spouse.  It means have a conscious dependence on God for everything in your life.  It means communicating with God through prayer and Bible reading.  Figure 3 shows the Selfer's Prayer.  This puts it all in perspective and gives you a good idea of where Spirit life under Grace starts.  

While sin keeps us distant from God through guilt and fear, Grace creates intimacy with God.  This intimacy is what he really wants from us more than anything.  

I am personally convinced that this submission, this dying to self, this crucifying of pride (see Philippians 2:1-8) is crucial to our joy.  We think of denying self as somber, grim-faced business when it is in truth a prelude to dancing.  if you want power, learn to e assertive.  If you want joy, learn to be submissive.  

The reason our death (to self) increased the joy level all around is that it also increases the love level all around.  Only when we die to self  can we fully love one another.  Self is a devilish creature, demanding all our energy. wanting our constant attention, reaching even into our pocketbooks for favors.  how can we be attuned to another's spirit when self is making so much noise?  How can we ever hope to love another when self screams for our constant care?  When self is alive and well, if offers us an all-or-nothing proposition.  We either pacify self, or we crucify it.

- Judson Edwards