Sex and Fruit

I've been talking to people recently about sexual relationships, pornography, and how they relate to everyday marriage relationships.  This led me to re-read a very good book by Lewis Smedes called Sex for Christians.  I've also had one eye on the 3-part man concept, where the Holy Spirit lives through a Christian person.  I know from Smedes and from my Bible that sexual intimacy is this awesome thing God gave us that (when he created us in his own image) that is both physical and spiritual - logical and irrational - predictable yet mysterious.  the truth is that, when it's gotten right, sexual intimacy is a thing that the human vocabulary, in any language, cannot accurately and exactly describe.  

I believe that when a husband and wife are living fully in the spirit, the pleasure and ecstasy  of sexual union is limitless.  As indescribably awesome as that is, the sad reality is that this potential is left unrealized in the majority of marriages.  Further and tragically, some spouses use the miracle of married intimacy as a weapon.  What's more, I believe that a couple's sex life is a pretty accurate measure of the rest of the marriage.  As things go in the bedroom, so things go in day in -day out life.  

As I said before, I've had a lot of thoughts on sex and intimacy running through my head in the last week or so.  Finally, there is some clarity coming to all the chaos.  I've come up with an experiment, and i'd like to invite you (challenge you) to try it with me.  This will require some effort on your part; but you're a real man, so I'm sure you'll have no problem with it.  

First, you'll need to locate your Bible.  Look up Proverbs 5:18,19 and Galatians 5:22 and read them over well.  I'm not going to quote them here because I want you to go out and find them.  The next step is to set aside some time alone with your wife and talk to her about this experiment.  Remember, these things work best when you involve your spouse.  Secret spouse improvement missions usually end badly and I discourage them.  

The idea is to take the encouragement of Solomon, the Bible's most celebrated lover, and overlay the Fruit (not fruits) of the Spirit over it.  How cool would it be if you and your spouse could enjoy each other the way he encourages in the Proverb and add to it joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control?

The last part of the challenge is to work this out with your wife.  Take an hour at Starbucks or turn off the TV after the kids go to bed.  Discuss the concept with her and, together, decide what this looks like in your bedroom.  Every married couple is different.  You and your spouse have a completely different dynamic in your intimacy that I and my wife do.  Don't be afraid to talk about how the elements of Galatians 5:22 will work under the sheets.

A final note.  Guys - tattoo these three Bible verses somewhere where they'll be in the front of your mind all the time.  Tape them on the steering wheel of your car, the bathroom mirror, put them on the screen-saver of your laptop, make a new ring-tone - anything that will keep you focused on them.  I'm gonna take a cue from my 14 year old daughter who writes everything on her hand.

Let's see what happens when we look to a couple of Biblical all-stars to craft (<---that's a verb ) a better life with our spouses.

Thanks for stopping by.

Men and Purity! Wait - What?

I recently had a chat with a very good friend about the divorce he's going through.  It's getting ugly and he's concerned about a number of things, most important are his children.  I've recently re-established connection with him after losing touch for a few years.  Our discussion went back and forth and the threads of our dialog were woven in and out of the divorce, catching up on things, and reminiscing about old times.   

In this time of great uncertainty in his life, it seems he's found some ground to make a stand on some principles.  I was pleased to see that he's making a great effort to give the whole thing up to God.  I say great effort because I know that's a very difficult thing to do.  He and I are wired a lot the same way and it's instinctive with guys like us to take the ol' bull by the horns and go after it with our own strength, our own plan, and our own will.  Being able to admit that we can't handle this and looking to God for ALL the answers is a tough thing to do.  I admire him for making the fight to keep God at the center of all the crap he has going on.  

Another thing really stood out to me in our time together.   At a time where it would be very easy for a man to grasp at just about anything to replace the intimacy he once had in his life, he's committed himself to purity.  Purity?  Isn't that for girls?  Purity is such a feminine word.  When I think of purity I think of a virginal expression, pale soft skin, and a white dress.  The truth is that I - and I suspect a lot of others - don't include men when they think or speak of purity.  It used to be that men were associated with rough and rugged attitudes - the Marlboro Man, Jack Palance, John Wayne, and Sylvester Stalone.  Purity was MaryAnn on Gilligan's Island, and Cindy Brady.  In today's popular culture with men getting manicures and facials I'm not sure what attitudes are conjured up when thinking of men.   Still, purity is probably not one of them.   

The truth is that my old friend is exactly right.  If the old boy chooses to marry again some day (which I'm sure he will), what better gift to give his new spouse than a man who's kept his mind and his body free from the garbage and baggage that comes from casual sex and a habit of pornography?  

What's more, I took a lesson from this as a married man in a mostly stable relationship.   Purity applies just as much to the married man as the single man.  Keeping my own thoughts, attitudes, and actions directed solely and specifically toward my wife is marital purity.  The pretty face smiling at me in the other traffic lane isn't mine - she doesn't belong to me.  Entertaining even the smallest thought about her is out of bounds.  The one that belongs to me is at home helping with homework, at work helping to pay the bills, or out on the road getting little people where they need to go.  My wife is the one God gave to me - that one is mine to smile at, wink at, lust after, and have desire for.  

Remember - you promised.   "In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer - 4BetterOr4Worse.

Thanks for taking the time.