Ride it out? Or keep on pulling?

I have a few friends right now that are going through some tough stuff in their lives.  When we experience crisis in our lives we react somewhat instinctively.  As men, I think we're conditioned to kind of hunker down in the storm and just ride it out.  I have certainly done that a lot in my life.

I believe that the danger in "hunkering down"  is that it leaves each of us isolated - and that's where we're vulnerable to attacks from satan.  He wants us to pull back, sort of retreat to ourselves, and tend to our wounds on our own.  In fact, I believe that he puts thoughts in our heads like - "I hate sharing the same story over and over.  These people all hear it for the first time - but I'm sick of telling it.  It makes me feel like I'm some kind of needy freak or something".  I know this first hand because I've had to tell people over and over about how I lost my job and how I'm looking for something else.  

I think the answer to this dilemma is to find one or two strong guys who can walk you through these experiences.  They've already heard you story, they know what you're all about, and they can continue to help you grow and make it through the storm.  Everyone else you can just smile and tell them you're doing fine.  I can be one of those guys for you - but it's okay if you choose someone else.  I won't be offended or put out.  I just want the best for you in your situation. 

Let me share a little story with you.  I know a family who farmed exclusively with horses.  The raised hay and wheat and planted/harvested all with horses.  I was helping them one day with a 4-horse hitch.  They had two old seasoned draft horses and two colts that they were training. They put the two seasoned veterans in the middle and a colt on either side.  If the younger horse decided to go his own way in the hitch he'd have to pull against both of the veteran horses.  After a few tries at being willful and selfish, the younger horses came in line and learned from the older ones how to pull together as a team.   The point here isn't that we're unruly and selfish.  The point is that we need to get through the hard stuff as a team - not as the Lone Ranger.

You can't go it alone.  Hunkering down to weather the storm seems like a natural instinct.  But the real answer is to hitch yourself to some seasoned Christians and learn how to pull.  Someday God will hitch you in the middle.   

Do you really want to know?

I know this guy who struggles as a self-employed painter.  He has a wonderful wife, eight children (3 girls / 5 boys), and a small petting zoo.  Like a lot of people, he lives paycheck to paycheck and takes jobs where he can get them.  If you've ever heard the  phrase "Find a job you like and you'll never work a day in your life." - that's Donny.  He loves to paint and he can't imagine doing anything else to make a living.  

I've been helping Donny paint a condo this week.  We've had a lot of time to get to know each other better than we have before.  Last night he picked me up to head out to the condo and I asked him "How's it going"?  His reply was "Do you really want to know"?  Then he told me that he's been working for a temp agency that markets itself to construction companies and builders.  They've been keeping him pretty busy during the days and he's been able to line up some side work for the evenings.  With this, he's felt like he's been able to get out from behind the eight-ball a bit financially.  Yesterday, they told him that they don't have any  more work for him.  They'd call when they need him.  

So, Donny has been laid off.  He's angry, scared, and discouraged.  But there's something very cool about what happened during that ride to the condo.  It's not that I had a chance to encourage him.  It's not that I urged him to keep his eyes on God and that He will provide for his family.  It's not that I had the chance to pray with him (which I didn't do but maybe should have).  The really cool part of the whole thing is that he asked me "Do you really want to know"?

Men tend to be isolationists.  Popular culture tells us that we don't cry, we suck it up and deal with it, and we need to be strong enough to handle things on our own.  While I'm thankful that Donny didn't cry, he made the choice to share and receive the encouragement that can come from another male who's been through some of the same experiences.  He didn't feel like he could suck it up and deal with it by himself.  He needed something more.

We all need something more than ourselves.  We need to support each other, encourage each other.  That's how it's supposed to work.