Grace and Peace

I've been doing some work in the Bible - specifically First Peter.  For those of you not as familiar with the Bible as others - a lot of the books in the New Testament are letters written to groups of people - most often churches.  Each letter starts out with a greeting.  When I read these letters i tend to blow through the greetings and get to the heart of the letter.  But when I started it this time I was stopped short by a very small sentence at the end of the greeting.  

"Grace and Peace be with you in abundance."  

I thought about this for a while and wondered how that fits in marriage relationships.  I've decided that, in a marriage, grace and peace isn't something that appears with the wave of a magic wand.  It isn't a supernatural state of being that you pray for and, through an act of God, appears in your home.  Grace and peace is something you work for.   It's a practice - a lifestyle choice, if you will.  

Grace is defined as the gift from God.  The gift is forgiveness of sins.  Because through the gift of grace our sins are forgiven, we are held up as perfect and so we have eternal life.  Grace was made possible ONLY through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  You can't buy it.  You can't earn it like a paycheck.  Once you accept the the gift of grace you can't lose it.  Claim it as your own and it's yours - it's that simple.  Okay - end of Bible school.

In a marriage, peace follows grace.  Grace is when you've been wronged by your spouse, but you realize the goodness in them as a whole and make the decision to forgive.  Through open communication and forgiveness peace happens.  Forgiveness and humility go hand in hand.  Nothing diffuses a tension and brings about peace faster than an apology made with sincerity and a soft heart.  This I know from experience.  

Now, I can hear you sound off with two objections.  First, "If I tell her that she's hurt me and I forgive her, I'll come off as condescending and she'll snap!"  My response to you is that, if your marriage is like mine, there's enough hurt to go around.  So put the two together.  Diffuse the situation with the "I'm sorry" (sincerely and with a soft heart).   Then you can open up the communication and talk about your hurts and offer your own grace to the situation.  The second objection I hear is "I don't want to say I'm sorry!  I didn't start this!"  The truth is that if grace needs to be restored to your relationship and "she's lost that lovin' feelin", you need to set your pride aside and get over yourself.  After all - do you want to be right -  or do you want the grace and peace?

Don't get discouraged if you try this and it doesn't work the first time.  Grace and peace in your marriage is like your golf swing.  It takes practice - effort - you have to "work" at it.  What's more, don't do this on your own.  Share the concept with your spouse so they know what's going on.  It works better if both of you know what's going on.  

One last point.  What this does NOT say is that you need to become a doormat and be taken advantage of or be abused.  If that's happening to you, get some help.  Talk to your pastor, see a counselor, or start with a note here for a second opinion.  

Thanks for stopping by.