Marriage Leadership - CEO or Farmhand?

I've been cautioned about talking to people about male leadership in marriage. My wife and I are creating a web site to build on the momentum of this blog. In putting together the verbiage in the "about us" section I used the phrase "...help men be effective leaders in their marriages...".  I suppose this can be seen as controversial.  Maybe it "raises hackles", especially for some women.  

I feel very strongly that the the whole idea of male leadership in the marriage is a misunderstood concept.  I have mixed emotions about this misunderstanding.  On the one hand I find it depressing that, even in Christian marriages, popular culture has taken us so far away from the truth.  On the other hand, I get excited about the opportunities to talk to people about this truth.  

John 13: 4,5 and 14, 15

4) so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around is waist.  5) After that, he poured water into a  basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

14) Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet you also should wash one another's feet.  15) I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 

You see, being a leader in your marriage is about significance - not about importance.  Jesus says in John that leadership starts by rolling up your sleeves and getting your hands dirty.  It's not a title (i.e. Wiley E. Coyote -  Super Genius),  it's about humble action.  It's helping with dishes, homework, and cleaning bathrooms.  It's about recognition of important dates and events.  It's about date night, love notes, and sappy cards.  It's about being present and engaged.  It's about mowing the lawn and cleaning the gutters.  It's about recognizing and patiently understanding PMS and reacting appropriately to it.  It's about rolling up your sleeves and getting your hands dirty.  Most importantly, it's about letting the Spirit of God inside you overflow out of you and into your relationship with your wife.  

If that doesn't do it for you let me give you one other illustration.  I heard a radio interview on a local radio station after 9/11 when we first started sending troops to Afghanistan.  The interview was between the radio DJ, a soldier who was ready to depart for the Middle East, and his dad.  The DJ asked the dad how he felt about his son going to Afghanistan to fight the terrorist influences there.  The dad explained that they lived on the family farm and that farms call their employees or workers "hands" (i.e. farm-hand).  A hand is someone who is there to help the general cause and direction of the farm.  Whether it's safely running the biggest equipment on the farm or shoveling manure out of the barn, a hand is a person who "helps".  When saying goodbye, this man told his son, the soldier, to be a hand.

No matter what your title is - leadership more about being a hand than anything else.  Jesus set the example for how to be a hand in to our wives in John 13.  In doing this, he shows us what leadership is.

Thanks for checking in.