In church Saturday night, I listened to one of the most convicting messages I've ever heard.  After spending the week leading up to Mother's day weekend at odds with the mother of my children, I walked in - sat down - and was told that the subject of the message was "Why We Fight".  My wife and I sort of looked at each other dumbfounded - as if God was somehow holding us up at the poster marriage for how NOT to get a long.  

Two things stuck with me through the week.  First, most of the time, the reason we fight is because someone is not getting what they want - and someone is going to pay.  Tension in a relationship comes to a boil because of unfilled needs or expectations.  While this may not be the only reason for quarrels, it's very common.  Second, I was taught to look at issues in my marriage like a boxing ring (or professional wrestling).  A marriage is a ring in which two people do battle with everyday issues.  The trick is to keep myself and my spouse fighting together against the issues - combining our gifts, strengths, and resources.  When the issue moves between us, we focus on battling each other and not the issue.  

As men, part of being leaders in our marriages and families is to have an awareness of when 

someone isn't getting what they want.  Once we are aware of this, we can come along side our spouses and children to fight for them and not against them.  

Granted this is one tool in the toolbox for dealing with conflict resolution.  Still, it's a tool I didn't have before.  If you'd like to hear this message, I put a link to it in the links section of the blog.  If you have any trouble accessing it, post a comment here and I'll help you.

Thanks for checking in.