Another One Down

Yesterday I found out that another marriage went down in flames. It's someone I've known for a long time. Word has it that the relationship has been stressed out for a long time. He went away on a business trip and while he was gone she sent him an e-mail saying that she'd be cleared out of the house by the time he got back - and she was.

Statistics show that roughly half of all marriages end in divorce. I haven't done the math on the friends and relationships that are around me, but it feels like it's more that half. In my circle, it seems that 2-3 marriages are failing every year. Frankly, I don't have enough friends for this to go on any longer. Within a year or so I'll be the only one still married! That's a sad fact.

As men, it's easy to be apathetic. Waiting for things to blow over or get better is not difficult. What is difficult is taking action. Confronting weak areas in our marriage is not pleasant, often exposes our own ugly spots, and the rewards for confrontation are rarely immediate. You have to have some stones to address relationship issues. If you're reading this and you're getting that queasy feeling in your stomach because you know things need to be addressed but you'd rather pull your fingernails out with a vise grips - I have a couple of things for you to think about.

I'll always start with accountability. It's not fun. It may even hurt. But, like the heading of this blog, you said for better or for worse in front of God and everybody. At that point it stopped being all about you and started being all about "us". You made a comittement and you're expected to keep it.

If you're an athlete you're very aware of the old cliche "no pain, no gain". Getting into the physical condition you want to be in requires some level of discomfort. The same is true for relationships. In addition, like losing weight, you have to get to that point where you look in the mirror and say "enough!". At that point you're ready to start working on things. You have to go through the bad before you can get to the good. I know that these things read like hollow cliche's. And maybe they are. But there's a fair amount of truth in them.

When you've psyched yourself up or you're reached the point where you're no longer willing to accept the condition of your relationship and you want to make things better, please understand that there is strength in numbers. Meet with your pastor, have a coffee with a seasoned marriage veteran, get the support of your best friend. Get some people in your corner. Don't go it a lone!

If you feel like you need some coaching, drop a comment here. There are some solid guys that read this blog and can give you some great advice and resources. We're here to help.

Don't be the next marriage to go down.