Getting it Right

A couple of weeks ago I ran into an old friend at my favorite doughnut shop. I use the term old friend in a couple of different ways. I've known Arnold all my life - 42 years. Arnold was there when I was baptized as an infant. 42 years later, Arnold was there in the doughnut shop. Arnold is old.

To use the term "remarkable" to describe Arnold is a large scale understatement. He was married to Marian - for how many years, I don't know. They had a family together and lived on the Southwest side of Grand Rapids. Their marriage was amazing because Marian suffered from one physical and psychological ailment after another. Marian was sweet, incredibly funny, and knew how to play the hymnbook on the piano, cover to cover, from memory. Tell her what you wanted to hear - and she'd just start playing it. Yet, she was plagued by depression, severe panic attacks, and as she aged she became more and more unstable. It was common for the pastor to ask for prayers for Marian as she was admitted to the psych hospital - again. In addition to her mental instabilities she had all kinds of reproductive and abdominal issues. She was simply a messed up woman who grinned a lot, told great jokes, and played a good piano.

What I admire most about Arnold is that he was always there. He ushered her to and from the psych hospital, the regular hospital, church, and home. He did the grocery shopping, the laundry, cleaned the house, and cooked. And when he greeted me he always had a big smile on his face and shook my hand firmly with his massive hand.

I get tired, cranky, and worn out on a regular basis. I have 2 kids and a wife. I wonder how many times Arnold (with his 3 boys and high maintenance wife) dumped himself in his chair, in the dark, and cried. I wonder how often Arnold looked up toward heaven, shook his fist at God, and said "THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!" Still, Arnold did what he had to do - day in - day out. He stood by Marian til the end. She died about 10 years ago when cancer took her to be with the Lord.

You might say that Arnold got a raw deal. One could argue that his marriage was messed up, a shambles, a disaster. I KNOW beyond a doubt that Arnold loved Marian as much as a man can love a woman.

I think he understood for better or for worse and got it right. Arnold is a real man.